Tuesday, August 2

Happy Birthday Nicolas! I love you!

On or about 7 years ago, I discovered that I was having a boy on the same day of his birth, it was confirmed with an ultrasound, August 3rd, 2004. I knew my whole pregnancy it was a boy, I had a dream in December right after I conceived that he was born with light hair, blue eyes, and light skin...and that bothered me because he seemed unreal, the only part I was sure about was that he was a boy...than I had the positive pregnancy test.

He had blue eyes (which changed to brown), dark brown hair, and lighter skin then me, and was a boy's boy! I had one chance to glance at him on August 3rd, and his father brought him once again to me at the operating table. I didn't get to hold him, or see him until about 16 hours later, they put me in this recovery room in which I was in and out of sleep, and couldn't move my legs. About five times, this lady came to ask me if I was sure I didn't want to circumcise...."NO, I DON'T WANT TO MUTILATE" my baby...leave me alone already. That experience had me traumatized and upset. I didn't know why it was happening to me, why I couldn't be with my baby. My legs were swollen, the pain was in the surgery area was unbearable, and some Chinese (or Asian) pediatrician doctor came to tell me that formula was safe, because I said that I didn't want my baby drinking formula because I wanted to breastfeed. I had to take the longest ride in a wheelchair to finally spend time with my baby, and it was so limited, but I focus on expressing milk which finally on the third day it started coming in bunches. Halleluiah! The breast milk started to flow, and Nicolas didn't need to be fed that formula anymore...

I came home, and I had to leave him in the hospital... I had to come home to look at all wonderful gifts that I received at the baby shower, but couldn't enjoy because he was still at the hospital. I was miserable for a few days, in pain, for having had pitocin labor for hours only to be cut for the c-section.

Finally he came to the home on Tuesday, August 10th. He had gained the weight he lost, and was as sleepy as ever. I didn't know what to do with myself; I didn't know if I was latching him on right.

I remember all this as if it was yesterday, my baby, is now turning 7 years old, talking to me, running like crazy, doesn't like to sleep late, always up early. He is my strength and joy. He is the one that motivates me to change, and sacrifice anything that I have to be stronger and wiser. Happy Birthday Nicolas...and know always that I love you with all my heart, from here to infinity!

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